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Girlfriends - Micole Khemarrica
khromat
khromat
Girlfriends
It's a mellow midnight, I've been schmoozing with friends online, and my mind wanders to the subject of girlfriends.

I'm bisexual and polyamorous. Being bi doesn't mean I can't decide whether I'm gay or het: it doesn't mean I'm a fence-sitter or a nympho or anything like that. Being bi simply means that I find both men and women attractive, each in their own special ways. I suppose I'm a true "Kinsey 3", someone who doesn't have a bias towards one or the other gender, eventhough in practice my playmates have been predominantly male. This is mostly because the social circle I've live in has always had a gender imbalance and sexual orientations that doesn't help a girl seeking another girl. Not that I have serious problems with the broad sexual and gender varieties that exist in furry fandom -- far from it, I'm more at home here than than other places I can think of because of that tolerance and freedom. But it does lead to the minor frustration when I'm in a 'girl mood' and don't have a girlfriend.

I have a couple of friends in Canada that are also bi, and we've teased each other mildly over the years, playfully hinting at the prospect of some sexual fun. Alas, time hasn't been on my side for that, and I don't want to press my affections on anyone to the point of being a fanboy (fangirl?) and annoying them. There are other girls in my social circle, artists and others, that I've found extremely attractive to the point it aches, and yet I'm too shy to actually let them know. Ah, see! Even girls can't tell girls how they feel.

The biggest problem does seem to revolve around location -- the bane and blessing of the Internet allows me to chat with people I can usually only see at conventions a few times a year. So while I chat with cool folks like Jag and Amara, the most I get to do at cons is hug them hello before our schedules whisk us off to somewhere else. And while I'm polyamorous, I won't impose anything on people who are involved with another (unless both are aware and/or ameniable to the prospect), and I know Jag has someone. The closest femfur I've gotten together with lives in DC, too far away for casual get togethers... everyone else I know well enough to be attracted to live a good deal farther away. My oldest best fem-friend is on the other coast. So my only recourse is to fantasize with my ladyfriends online (many of whome are male in the real world). Hooray for the internet.

I suppose if I was truely desparate, I could go troll a bar, but that's not my style. I want a friend first, lover second. The sexual aspect of a relationship is secondary to the emotional aspect for me, even if I desparately wish to curl up with a soft-skinned girl on occassion.

*wistful sigh* I guess I know what I'll be dreaming of tonight...

Current Mood: horny horny
Current Music: Electrasy - Cosmic Castaway

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Comments
somebunny From: somebunny Date: October 15th, 2001 11:14 pm (UTC) (Link)
*innocent whistle*

You know Bunnyboy and I have three days a week off now...
khromat From: khromat Date: October 17th, 2001 02:41 pm (UTC) (Link)

Oh, Really?

Is this a hint, glitter-bunny? :3

A bunch of my friends and I were actually talking about visitng the DC area next month.... hmmmmm....
somebunny From: somebunny Date: October 17th, 2001 06:38 pm (UTC) (Link)

Re: Oh, Really?

Me hint? Oh no...

*more innocent whistling*

You just don't live so far away... and three days is a long time to just sit in the apartment....
film2edit From: film2edit Date: September 16th, 2010 12:18 pm (UTC) (Link)
A friend pointed me out to your journal entry. It's something similar I've discussed with him that I've wanted to enjoy, though the number of female friends is very slim (maybe 2, and one that has expressed interest via her husband), and none locally. There are probably two female friends I could discuss things with regarding your topic, but hearing from them is rare, and seeing them is even rarer.

I'm not a huge fan of bars. I was recently dragged to a gay bar via my roommate, which ended up being extremely clean, everyone was friendly, and I drew some sketches on a napkin and made someone's night. I drank water also, as I don't like to drink anything outside of maybe a glass of wine with dinner at home rarely. It was 98% men, and a friend visiting from CA ended up getting groped and hit on by a bear in his 50's (he's straight and has a girlfriend, but he was not offended).

Defining what I am is rather hard. I tend to use "tomboy" for my family and as a PC term. I'm not exactly feminine, being "bi-sexual" tends to be more of the PC term for me verses pan-sexual (the individual verses their sex), and falling under gender neutral/transgendered. I blend in better as "female," even if I don't dress or feel like a women. I play mascot characters and do children's entertainment shows periodically, so I consider acting "female" for my family and at work as playing another character.

My boyfriend is very open about many things, including encouraging me if I wished to have a female companion that he'd be happy if I had some private time with (or both of us). For me, it would need to be someone I knew fairly well and was not someone I'd be nervous being with. My experience is limited, but longing to spend time with someone who I can experience things not only on an intimacy level, but an intellectual level is important. Brains before beauty.

I might be moving to another state soon, which would mean social interaction would be even limited. Charlotte is very spread out, not as "artsy" as Richmond, and the only folks I know are guys about a hour away aside my boyfriend who I'll be happily living with. I'm still learning more about Charlotte.

Something interesting that I've found recently is good friends I've known for years have started flirting with me. This is prior to knowing what my relationship is like, but confessing they've liked me. I'm not offended by this at all, and quite flattered. They've all been guys, and I pondered and wondered why don't women flirt with me? I rarely talk about liking women, with the exception of those who know me well enough and I am not afraid to talk to them about that. My father's homophobic, but not having to deal with him on a daily basis since 2004 has helped with any fears. Possibly being less public about some of my interests has limited having women flirt with me, but I can only guess. It's been an observation periodically that I've made.

I've been told that I am mainly "cute," and "attractive," but mostly by men. Some women, but very rarely. Since my mind is wired as more of a male mind but with less testosterone-horny constraints, what I find attractive in a women may be different than how I'm viewed to another women. In general, that goes for anyone's interests. My boyfriend and I call each other handsome, which does mean a lot to me. He's pretty much is the only one who does (another friend has recently, but he keeps swapping it out for "beautiful).

Anyway, I'm glad you posted your blog entry, and I hope you don't mind me sharing a bit about myself. Thanks for listening.
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